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I'm Steve Kearney. I'm the Chief Mental Health Officer for the NZDF and we're going to talk about today when that happens or why that happens and what you can do instead. Here's a thing and I'm going to use these magnets to illustrate the point. When someone's upset and we offer advice or reassurance,
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what they hear is you shouldn't feel that way. You shouldn't feel that way, you'll get it next time around. You shouldn't feel that way, you're probably a lucky escape. The trouble is they do feel that way.
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And so they shut down and they move away. And this happens, it can be really useful to ask yourself, what would the next words be out of my mouth if they began with a sentiment, who wouldn't feel that way? Who wouldn't feel that way?
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I know how hard you worked for that gig. Who wouldn't feel that way? I know how excited you were for that job. When we make it okay for someone to feel the way they feel, and they know they're not alone with their sadness,
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their disappointment, their anxiety, that makes a difference.