Pūtahi Hauora
Defence Health HubThe Science and Practice of Resilience
Presentation to the NZDF by best-selling author and resilience researcher Dr Lucy Hone
Resilience is in your DNA
Dr Lucy Hone: Resilience is in your DNA
0:00
I knew that humans have this incredible
0:05
capacity for adaptation change and
0:10
resilience you know we might not like it
0:12
but we all have these moments in life
0:16
where we are
0:17
forced down some completely unexpected
0:21
path that we never saw coming we don't
0:24
want to tread but actually we haven't
0:26
really got any choice and I think I
0:30
truly was lucky enough that when that
0:32
moment came for me all of my training
0:36
was so deeply embedded in this that I
0:39
knew we cannot control the circumstances
0:42
of our lives there is to a greater or
0:45
lesser degree things that we can do ways
0:48
of thinking acting and being that really
0:51
can help us in our most challenging
0:55
moments and I expect I don't doubt that
0:59
most of you here know this too that's
1:01
probably why you've come along today
1:03
because you are interested because you
1:05
know that life can be tough and that we
1:08
all have to know what helps us when we
1:11
have these big moments in life when
1:14
something terrible happens so I I kind
1:18
of had this recipe for resilience um I
1:21
also had hope because I knew that the St
1:25
one of the main findings of resilience
1:27
psychology is that
1:31
I think a figure is 62% of us will be
1:35
exposed to some kind of potentially
1:37
traumatic event in our adult
1:41
Lifetime and yet the US figures for PTSD
1:45
sited around about
1:47
8% which means there's a awful lot of
1:50
people who are managing to get through
1:53
all kinds of potentially traumatic
1:57
events I thought I'd just share this
1:59
slide with you so um I'm just going to
2:01
unpack it pretty quickly not as
2:03
complicated as it looks on the left hand
2:05
side you've just got a whole load of
2:07
names of studies research studies that
2:09
have been done in the middle column you
2:12
can see all the different types of
2:14
potentially traumatic events that each
2:17
of those Studies have looked at or what
2:20
the participants have gone through and
2:23
in that far right hand column you can
2:25
see the percentage prevalence of
2:28
resilience that that particular sample
2:32
showed they're pretty high figures
2:35
aren't they that all of those different
2:38
types of potentially traumatic
2:41
event you've got 82% at the top coming
2:45
down huran disaster
2:47
79% you work your way through all of
2:50
that and you can see that essentially
2:52
this is the academic proof that as much
2:56
as we don't ask for these things to
2:58
happen we do have it with within us this
3:00
incredible capacity to somehow survive
3:05
and adapt and keep our lives
3:09
going so I want you to hold that um and
3:13
know that actually resilience is in your
3:16
DNA that we are hardwired to cope
I knew that humans have this incredible
0:05
capacity for adaptation change and
0:10
resilience you know we might not like it
0:12
but we all have these moments in life
0:16
where we are
0:17
forced down some completely unexpected
0:21
path that we never saw coming we don't
0:24
want to tread but actually we haven't
0:26
really got any choice and I think I
0:30
truly was lucky enough that when that
0:32
moment came for me all of my training
0:36
was so deeply embedded in this that I
0:39
knew we cannot control the circumstances
0:42
of our lives there is to a greater or
0:45
lesser degree things that we can do ways
0:48
of thinking acting and being that really
0:51
can help us in our most challenging
0:55
moments and I expect I don't doubt that
0:59
most of you here know this too that's
1:01
probably why you've come along today
1:03
because you are interested because you
1:05
know that life can be tough and that we
1:08
all have to know what helps us when we
1:11
have these big moments in life when
1:14
something terrible happens so I I kind
1:18
of had this recipe for resilience um I
1:21
also had hope because I knew that the St
1:25
one of the main findings of resilience
1:27
psychology is that
1:31
I think a figure is 62% of us will be
1:35
exposed to some kind of potentially
1:37
traumatic event in our adult
1:41
Lifetime and yet the US figures for PTSD
1:45
sited around about
1:47
8% which means there's a awful lot of
1:50
people who are managing to get through
1:53
all kinds of potentially traumatic
1:57
events I thought I'd just share this
1:59
slide with you so um I'm just going to
2:01
unpack it pretty quickly not as
2:03
complicated as it looks on the left hand
2:05
side you've just got a whole load of
2:07
names of studies research studies that
2:09
have been done in the middle column you
2:12
can see all the different types of
2:14
potentially traumatic events that each
2:17
of those Studies have looked at or what
2:20
the participants have gone through and
2:23
in that far right hand column you can
2:25
see the percentage prevalence of
2:28
resilience that that particular sample
2:32
showed they're pretty high figures
2:35
aren't they that all of those different
2:38
types of potentially traumatic
2:41
event you've got 82% at the top coming
2:45
down huran disaster
2:47
79% you work your way through all of
2:50
that and you can see that essentially
2:52
this is the academic proof that as much
2:56
as we don't ask for these things to
2:58
happen we do have it with within us this
3:00
incredible capacity to somehow survive
3:05
and adapt and keep our lives
3:09
going so I want you to hold that um and
3:13
know that actually resilience is in your
3:16
DNA that we are hardwired to cope
Your Resilience Recipe
Dr Lucy Hone: Your Resilience Recipe
0:16
you got to the end so I when I read this
0:19
I thought that's so fascinating isn't it
0:21
that we think um we've got this skewed
0:24
picture of human resilience actually and
0:26
that is partly academic negligence
0:29
because so many of the studies we were
0:31
doing were on the people who weren't
0:33
coping so guess what duh you get a
0:36
pretty distorted picture um so I think
0:38
this makes a really important point and
0:41
also that resilience isn't rare and that
0:44
it uses very common everyday ingredients
0:47
that are widely available to us all I
0:50
thought I'd just share one study with
0:51
you so you get the idea of you know
0:53
where we get some of our findings from
0:57
um this study was done by Pete South
1:00
Wick and Dennis Charney they did the
1:02
study actually in 2005 and then wrote a
1:05
book about it in
1:06
2012 and these guys are um like myself
1:11
they are part of a new breed of academic
1:13
researchers who aren't just interested
1:16
in Mental Illness but essentially
1:18
interested in mental Fitness you know
1:20
what are the ways of thinking acting and
1:22
being that enable people to come through
1:24
some of their hardest toughest moments
1:27
in life so what they did was went and
1:30
Tracked Down the American Airmen who had
1:33
been held captive in the Vietnam War and
1:36
they were particularly interested in
1:38
those Airmen who hadn't developed PTSD
1:41
or any form of mental illness afterwards
1:44
and they did long form interviews with
1:47
those Airmen and then did thematic
1:50
analysis which enables basically some
1:52
common characteristics to arise that
1:56
those Airmen who actually had lived
1:58
through that Di circumstances but then
2:01
gone on to thrive in life what did these
2:04
men show in common I'll just flick
2:07
through here for
2:18
you
2:20
so thoughts questions do you know um ask
2:23
me any questions as we go thoughts in
2:26
fact why don't you just turn to the
2:27
person next to you and have a quick chat
2:29
about what do you notice here and if
2:31
you're not sitting next to someone move
2:32
or talk to someone in front of you thank
2:34
you just take a couple of minutes to
2:36
have a conversation about your
2:38
observations of this study
2:44
please so thoughts observations um you
2:47
guys some of you have had mental skills
2:49
training I'm um hoping picking what's
2:52
missing
2:58
thoughts if you're sitting in a hole
3:01
you're looking up the sun rather than
3:03
the hole itself yeah yeah got that kind
3:06
of hope for the future and bigger
3:07
picture Vision yeah thank you do you
3:12
have those characteristics before your
3:14
dra and get you through or can you make
3:17
those characteristics happen after yeah
3:20
it's a great question um did they
3:22
already have those characteristics or
3:24
can they develop them as they go so
3:26
something like the um communication you
3:28
know being able to Ry on your strong
3:31
supportive networks you can't make those
3:34
once you're
3:35
incarcerated yeah and you can't make
3:37
those as we know living in that
3:39
earthquake zone at whatever it was 4:22
3:42
a.m. whenever that big Shake was so you
3:44
do most of these are modifiable things
3:47
that you can build in yourselves and we
3:50
know that there are some aspects
3:53
personality traits that enable people to
3:56
be more effortlessly resilient such as
4:00
um being optimistic or being um
4:04
agreeable and open and easy to make
4:06
friends those kind of things but
4:08
actually eug are not your destiny and we
4:10
can train even the most diard pessimist
4:15
to catch their automatically reflexive
4:19
pessimistic interpretation of an event
4:22
and question it and go you know maybe
4:25
there's an alternative explanation here
4:27
maybe I'm not reading this situation
4:30
accurately and that was very much what
4:32
they were teaching to the US Army in
4:35
that comprehensive Soldier fitness
4:37
program the mental skills that get
4:40
people to question whether there's
4:42
something some other explanation of
4:45
what's going on um what else do you see
4:48
do you see yourselves up here and I
4:50
should say it's not a checklist that you
4:52
have to have nailed everyone of these
4:54
you know stop beating yourself up if you
4:56
um haven't got all of these Karen rivic
4:59
who was running the military resilience
5:01
training at pen she used to say to us
5:04
that um resilience is like a stew it's a
5:06
whole load of different ingredients of
5:09
ways of thinking acting and being and
5:12
how I make my stew is different to how
5:14
you make your stew so you don't have to
5:17
tick cross tick you know give yourself a
5:19
scorecard on this what I really want you
5:21
to encourage to you to do is think this
5:23
is pretty ordinary stuff hey that's
5:26
freely available to us all and notice
5:29
that you don't go building your
5:31
resilience at 3:00 a.m. you have got to
5:34
be building it in the good times so that
5:36
you can draw upon it in the tough
5:40
times yeah so just think for a moment
5:44
what's your personal resilience
5:47
recipe just have a think about what's
5:50
something that you've had to go
5:52
through and what's helped you navigate
5:56
that tough
5:58
time who has has been there for
6:01
you what ways of thinking have helped
6:05
you what ways of acting have helped you
6:09
because what we know is that everybody
6:12
needs to know what their recipe is and
6:15
the more readily available that is to
6:18
you the easier you can draw upon it when
6:21
your brain is mted if we go back to
6:24
using the Christ Church
6:26
metaphor okay make sense I'd love you to
6:29
tell me you know what you what what
6:31
helps you um cope with tough times
6:35
that's not up here but come and talk to
6:37
me at the end I'd love to hear more from
6:39
you so why is resilience important we
6:43
know we need it for all these big life
6:45
moments we also need it for the everyday
6:49
think you'd all agree with me there are
6:51
moments nearly in every day where we're
6:53
like seriously you know I want to run
6:55
away here shout at someone kick the
6:57
printer whatever it is um yours are
7:00
probably a bit different to mine and you
7:03
don't do that because you have this
7:05
inner ability to go what we talk about
7:07
actually is Real Time resilience we were
7:10
just having a few Tech issues earlier on
7:12
and it's like okay we can make this
7:14
happen spitting the dummy when you're a
7:17
resilience presenter isn't really an
7:19
option not allowed to
7:22
go okay so and this third use of adult
7:25
resilience is about how we are it
7:28
enables us to be proactive so the first
7:31
two are how we respond to events and
7:33
things that happen the third one is it's
7:35
your resilience that enables you to go
7:37
and learn new things to try new things
7:42
to talk to someone you haven't met
7:45
before that to approach Ai and all of
7:48
the new tech that we're using so instead
7:50
of burying your head in the sand it's
7:53
your resilience that enables you to have
7:55
that what I would call an approach or
7:57
learner mindset make sense so I think as
8:01
as the world gets you know more complex
8:04
you guys are all familiar with the vuka
8:07
um acronym yeah you guys know that so we
8:11
that was an Army phrase coined in AR by
8:14
Army American leadership back in the H
8:16
I'm going to make something up here like
8:17
1980s 1990s a long time ago and and they
8:21
were saying that we realized back then
8:23
that they were now working in a vuka
8:25
world which if I'm right stands for
8:27
volatile uncer certain um complex and
8:32
ambiguous would you guys agree that's
8:34
the world that you operate in and the
8:36
military operates in now and now what
8:39
they're doing is adding on to that
8:40
that's saying that we are living in a
8:42
vuka Max world and the max stands for
8:46
massive accelerating Tech change so we
8:51
live in an era of volatility
8:54
uncertainty complexity and ambiguity
8:57
combined with tech so you need this last
9:01
form of resilience the ability to
9:04
approach new things and learn new things
9:07
more than ever in 2024 and Beyond so
9:11
embrace it know it is part of your
9:14
ability to be able to thrive in times of
9:18
uncertainty and change
you got to the end so I when I read this
0:19
I thought that's so fascinating isn't it
0:21
that we think um we've got this skewed
0:24
picture of human resilience actually and
0:26
that is partly academic negligence
0:29
because so many of the studies we were
0:31
doing were on the people who weren't
0:33
coping so guess what duh you get a
0:36
pretty distorted picture um so I think
0:38
this makes a really important point and
0:41
also that resilience isn't rare and that
0:44
it uses very common everyday ingredients
0:47
that are widely available to us all I
0:50
thought I'd just share one study with
0:51
you so you get the idea of you know
0:53
where we get some of our findings from
0:57
um this study was done by Pete South
1:00
Wick and Dennis Charney they did the
1:02
study actually in 2005 and then wrote a
1:05
book about it in
1:06
2012 and these guys are um like myself
1:11
they are part of a new breed of academic
1:13
researchers who aren't just interested
1:16
in Mental Illness but essentially
1:18
interested in mental Fitness you know
1:20
what are the ways of thinking acting and
1:22
being that enable people to come through
1:24
some of their hardest toughest moments
1:27
in life so what they did was went and
1:30
Tracked Down the American Airmen who had
1:33
been held captive in the Vietnam War and
1:36
they were particularly interested in
1:38
those Airmen who hadn't developed PTSD
1:41
or any form of mental illness afterwards
1:44
and they did long form interviews with
1:47
those Airmen and then did thematic
1:50
analysis which enables basically some
1:52
common characteristics to arise that
1:56
those Airmen who actually had lived
1:58
through that Di circumstances but then
2:01
gone on to thrive in life what did these
2:04
men show in common I'll just flick
2:07
through here for
2:18
you
2:20
so thoughts questions do you know um ask
2:23
me any questions as we go thoughts in
2:26
fact why don't you just turn to the
2:27
person next to you and have a quick chat
2:29
about what do you notice here and if
2:31
you're not sitting next to someone move
2:32
or talk to someone in front of you thank
2:34
you just take a couple of minutes to
2:36
have a conversation about your
2:38
observations of this study
2:44
please so thoughts observations um you
2:47
guys some of you have had mental skills
2:49
training I'm um hoping picking what's
2:52
missing
2:58
thoughts if you're sitting in a hole
3:01
you're looking up the sun rather than
3:03
the hole itself yeah yeah got that kind
3:06
of hope for the future and bigger
3:07
picture Vision yeah thank you do you
3:12
have those characteristics before your
3:14
dra and get you through or can you make
3:17
those characteristics happen after yeah
3:20
it's a great question um did they
3:22
already have those characteristics or
3:24
can they develop them as they go so
3:26
something like the um communication you
3:28
know being able to Ry on your strong
3:31
supportive networks you can't make those
3:34
once you're
3:35
incarcerated yeah and you can't make
3:37
those as we know living in that
3:39
earthquake zone at whatever it was 4:22
3:42
a.m. whenever that big Shake was so you
3:44
do most of these are modifiable things
3:47
that you can build in yourselves and we
3:50
know that there are some aspects
3:53
personality traits that enable people to
3:56
be more effortlessly resilient such as
4:00
um being optimistic or being um
4:04
agreeable and open and easy to make
4:06
friends those kind of things but
4:08
actually eug are not your destiny and we
4:10
can train even the most diard pessimist
4:15
to catch their automatically reflexive
4:19
pessimistic interpretation of an event
4:22
and question it and go you know maybe
4:25
there's an alternative explanation here
4:27
maybe I'm not reading this situation
4:30
accurately and that was very much what
4:32
they were teaching to the US Army in
4:35
that comprehensive Soldier fitness
4:37
program the mental skills that get
4:40
people to question whether there's
4:42
something some other explanation of
4:45
what's going on um what else do you see
4:48
do you see yourselves up here and I
4:50
should say it's not a checklist that you
4:52
have to have nailed everyone of these
4:54
you know stop beating yourself up if you
4:56
um haven't got all of these Karen rivic
4:59
who was running the military resilience
5:01
training at pen she used to say to us
5:04
that um resilience is like a stew it's a
5:06
whole load of different ingredients of
5:09
ways of thinking acting and being and
5:12
how I make my stew is different to how
5:14
you make your stew so you don't have to
5:17
tick cross tick you know give yourself a
5:19
scorecard on this what I really want you
5:21
to encourage to you to do is think this
5:23
is pretty ordinary stuff hey that's
5:26
freely available to us all and notice
5:29
that you don't go building your
5:31
resilience at 3:00 a.m. you have got to
5:34
be building it in the good times so that
5:36
you can draw upon it in the tough
5:40
times yeah so just think for a moment
5:44
what's your personal resilience
5:47
recipe just have a think about what's
5:50
something that you've had to go
5:52
through and what's helped you navigate
5:56
that tough
5:58
time who has has been there for
6:01
you what ways of thinking have helped
6:05
you what ways of acting have helped you
6:09
because what we know is that everybody
6:12
needs to know what their recipe is and
6:15
the more readily available that is to
6:18
you the easier you can draw upon it when
6:21
your brain is mted if we go back to
6:24
using the Christ Church
6:26
metaphor okay make sense I'd love you to
6:29
tell me you know what you what what
6:31
helps you um cope with tough times
6:35
that's not up here but come and talk to
6:37
me at the end I'd love to hear more from
6:39
you so why is resilience important we
6:43
know we need it for all these big life
6:45
moments we also need it for the everyday
6:49
think you'd all agree with me there are
6:51
moments nearly in every day where we're
6:53
like seriously you know I want to run
6:55
away here shout at someone kick the
6:57
printer whatever it is um yours are
7:00
probably a bit different to mine and you
7:03
don't do that because you have this
7:05
inner ability to go what we talk about
7:07
actually is Real Time resilience we were
7:10
just having a few Tech issues earlier on
7:12
and it's like okay we can make this
7:14
happen spitting the dummy when you're a
7:17
resilience presenter isn't really an
7:19
option not allowed to
7:22
go okay so and this third use of adult
7:25
resilience is about how we are it
7:28
enables us to be proactive so the first
7:31
two are how we respond to events and
7:33
things that happen the third one is it's
7:35
your resilience that enables you to go
7:37
and learn new things to try new things
7:42
to talk to someone you haven't met
7:45
before that to approach Ai and all of
7:48
the new tech that we're using so instead
7:50
of burying your head in the sand it's
7:53
your resilience that enables you to have
7:55
that what I would call an approach or
7:57
learner mindset make sense so I think as
8:01
as the world gets you know more complex
8:04
you guys are all familiar with the vuka
8:07
um acronym yeah you guys know that so we
8:11
that was an Army phrase coined in AR by
8:14
Army American leadership back in the H
8:16
I'm going to make something up here like
8:17
1980s 1990s a long time ago and and they
8:21
were saying that we realized back then
8:23
that they were now working in a vuka
8:25
world which if I'm right stands for
8:27
volatile uncer certain um complex and
8:32
ambiguous would you guys agree that's
8:34
the world that you operate in and the
8:36
military operates in now and now what
8:39
they're doing is adding on to that
8:40
that's saying that we are living in a
8:42
vuka Max world and the max stands for
8:46
massive accelerating Tech change so we
8:51
live in an era of volatility
8:54
uncertainty complexity and ambiguity
8:57
combined with tech so you need this last
9:01
form of resilience the ability to
9:04
approach new things and learn new things
9:07
more than ever in 2024 and Beyond so
9:11
embrace it know it is part of your
9:14
ability to be able to thrive in times of
9:18
uncertainty and change
Dr Lucy Hone: The Downside of Perfectionism
0:00
so the first is um the first of these
0:03
resilience capacities competencies is to
0:07
understand that struggle and suffering
0:08
is part of life so you might think duh
0:12
do we really need the resilience
0:14
academic to come and tell us this like
0:15
you know this yeah you know this in your
0:19
bones well firstly why is it
0:21
important because if you do know this in
0:24
your bones then when the worst happens
0:27
it prevents you from thinking why
0:31
me like adversity doesn't sadly
0:34
discriminate it happens to us all and
0:38
knowing that suffering and struggle are
0:40
part of life stops you from asking that
0:44
why me question so it enables you to
0:47
gather your agency your hope and belief
0:50
that you can get through this much
0:52
faster it's also really important
0:55
because would you agree that we live in
0:57
an era of perfectionism
1:00
yeah and we see this particularly um I
1:03
was working did a podcast with two
1:05
teenagers recently they were year 13
1:08
girls um actually it was last about
1:10
September and I met them at the school
1:13
Gates and they'd asked me to be on their
1:15
podcast and I said to them so you know I
1:17
didn't know much about them what year
1:19
are you in and they said year 13 and I
1:21
said awesome you know that's great and
1:22
they went oh no it's terrible I said
1:25
seriously what's terrible about year 13
1:28
I thought this is good you're about to
1:29
get out of school and into the big wide
1:31
world and they said no we're just so
1:33
terrified that we haven't chosen all the
1:36
right subjects or we're not going to do
1:38
the right job next and we don't know
1:40
where we should go and study and who we
1:42
should flat with and they said it's just
1:44
ter you know Terri terrible and
1:46
terrifying and it really made me
1:49
confront face to face this the impact of
1:54
perfectionism in society and we know
1:56
that perfectionism levels have Skyrock
1:59
skyro rocketed in the last 30 years so
2:03
the problem with
2:04
perfectionism is that it robs you of
2:07
your ability to function at your best
2:11
when you expect the outcome to be
2:13
perfect every time because frankly
2:15
that's just rubbish none of us can be
2:17
perfect every time so let's just put
2:19
this to a test for a
2:21
moment why don't you just think in your
2:24
privacy of your own heads what do you
2:26
typically say to yourself when you stuff
2:29
up I can see some you kind of grimacing
2:31
nodding knowing that frankly all that
2:34
trash talk that might go on in your
2:37
heads might not be a good thing um why
2:40
don't we have a cathartic moment and I'm
2:42
going to yeah I'm going to count you
2:44
down 3 2 1 and I want you to shout out
2:47
what you would typically say to yourself
2:50
when you stuff up okay 3 2 1
2:58
go something like like
3:01
that so um that's not quite AI
3:05
sufficiently that I've just sucked all
3:07
of your trash talk and thrown it up
3:09
there um do you see yourselves up there
3:13
yep some of you do okay I'm moving it on
3:15
now because you're all just be
3:16
completely Star Struck by that complete
3:19
mish mash of horror behind me
3:23
um if you did see yourself up there the
3:25
first thing to know is
3:27
that it's pretty typical 76% of people
3:31
are nicer to other people than they are
3:33
themselves we can be nasty in our own
3:36
heads why does it matter because the
3:40
research shows and this is an
3:43
amalgamation of an awful lot of 30 years
3:47
of research that when you are operating
3:50
out of that inner critic
3:52
mindset that's what we can expect to see
3:56
whereas if you can dial back that inner
3:59
critic
4:00
that is how you're going to perform and
4:04
function so perfectionism is toxic it
4:09
damages our
4:10
performance it reduces our
4:14
productivity it increases
4:17
procrastination I mean why would you
4:19
start to do something if you can't
4:21
guarantee that you're going to do it
4:23
perfectly it definitely interferes with
4:27
relationships and in my work I see time
4:32
and again how much anxiety induces where
4:36
people are almost crippled to the point
4:38
that they can't take action because
4:40
they're so concerned that the results
4:43
won't be perfect now don't get me wrong
4:45
I'm not saying aim high you know I'm all
4:48
for doing a good job what I want to know
4:51
is that should you fall short at any
4:54
point you're determined to ask questions
4:58
learn from it
5:00
investigate what you could do
5:02
differently next time rather than just
5:05
beat yourself up and prevent you from
5:08
trying again
so the first is um the first of these
0:03
resilience capacities competencies is to
0:07
understand that struggle and suffering
0:08
is part of life so you might think duh
0:12
do we really need the resilience
0:14
academic to come and tell us this like
0:15
you know this yeah you know this in your
0:19
bones well firstly why is it
0:21
important because if you do know this in
0:24
your bones then when the worst happens
0:27
it prevents you from thinking why
0:31
me like adversity doesn't sadly
0:34
discriminate it happens to us all and
0:38
knowing that suffering and struggle are
0:40
part of life stops you from asking that
0:44
why me question so it enables you to
0:47
gather your agency your hope and belief
0:50
that you can get through this much
0:52
faster it's also really important
0:55
because would you agree that we live in
0:57
an era of perfectionism
1:00
yeah and we see this particularly um I
1:03
was working did a podcast with two
1:05
teenagers recently they were year 13
1:08
girls um actually it was last about
1:10
September and I met them at the school
1:13
Gates and they'd asked me to be on their
1:15
podcast and I said to them so you know I
1:17
didn't know much about them what year
1:19
are you in and they said year 13 and I
1:21
said awesome you know that's great and
1:22
they went oh no it's terrible I said
1:25
seriously what's terrible about year 13
1:28
I thought this is good you're about to
1:29
get out of school and into the big wide
1:31
world and they said no we're just so
1:33
terrified that we haven't chosen all the
1:36
right subjects or we're not going to do
1:38
the right job next and we don't know
1:40
where we should go and study and who we
1:42
should flat with and they said it's just
1:44
ter you know Terri terrible and
1:46
terrifying and it really made me
1:49
confront face to face this the impact of
1:54
perfectionism in society and we know
1:56
that perfectionism levels have Skyrock
1:59
skyro rocketed in the last 30 years so
2:03
the problem with
2:04
perfectionism is that it robs you of
2:07
your ability to function at your best
2:11
when you expect the outcome to be
2:13
perfect every time because frankly
2:15
that's just rubbish none of us can be
2:17
perfect every time so let's just put
2:19
this to a test for a
2:21
moment why don't you just think in your
2:24
privacy of your own heads what do you
2:26
typically say to yourself when you stuff
2:29
up I can see some you kind of grimacing
2:31
nodding knowing that frankly all that
2:34
trash talk that might go on in your
2:37
heads might not be a good thing um why
2:40
don't we have a cathartic moment and I'm
2:42
going to yeah I'm going to count you
2:44
down 3 2 1 and I want you to shout out
2:47
what you would typically say to yourself
2:50
when you stuff up okay 3 2 1
2:58
go something like like
3:01
that so um that's not quite AI
3:05
sufficiently that I've just sucked all
3:07
of your trash talk and thrown it up
3:09
there um do you see yourselves up there
3:13
yep some of you do okay I'm moving it on
3:15
now because you're all just be
3:16
completely Star Struck by that complete
3:19
mish mash of horror behind me
3:23
um if you did see yourself up there the
3:25
first thing to know is
3:27
that it's pretty typical 76% of people
3:31
are nicer to other people than they are
3:33
themselves we can be nasty in our own
3:36
heads why does it matter because the
3:40
research shows and this is an
3:43
amalgamation of an awful lot of 30 years
3:47
of research that when you are operating
3:50
out of that inner critic
3:52
mindset that's what we can expect to see
3:56
whereas if you can dial back that inner
3:59
critic
4:00
that is how you're going to perform and
4:04
function so perfectionism is toxic it
4:09
damages our
4:10
performance it reduces our
4:14
productivity it increases
4:17
procrastination I mean why would you
4:19
start to do something if you can't
4:21
guarantee that you're going to do it
4:23
perfectly it definitely interferes with
4:27
relationships and in my work I see time
4:32
and again how much anxiety induces where
4:36
people are almost crippled to the point
4:38
that they can't take action because
4:40
they're so concerned that the results
4:43
won't be perfect now don't get me wrong
4:45
I'm not saying aim high you know I'm all
4:48
for doing a good job what I want to know
4:51
is that should you fall short at any
4:54
point you're determined to ask questions
4:58
learn from it
5:00
investigate what you could do
5:02
differently next time rather than just
5:05
beat yourself up and prevent you from
5:08
trying again
Overcoming the Negativity Bias
Dr Lucy Hone: Overcoming the Negativity Bias
0:09
very selective over what they focus
0:12
their attention on okay so looks like
0:18
this make sense you want to focus your
0:22
limited attention on what you can
0:25
control and the things that
0:28
matter I think think this was a
0:30
lifesaver for me in the weeks and months
0:34
after the girls died I remember
0:37
thinking choose life not death don't
0:40
lose what you have to what you have got
0:44
and I had two beautiful teenage boys in
0:47
the house at the time and I was really
0:48
determined not to be one of those um
0:52
Family estrangement statistics and to do
0:56
whatever it takes you know to muddle
1:00
along in a way that meant that it didn't
1:03
injure and damage their lives anymore
1:06
than it already had lost losing their
1:09
sister
1:11
so choosing where you focus your
1:14
attention is really important um why do
1:17
you think it's difficult any
1:18
ideas why do you think we get sucked
1:21
into all of that fomo and you know where
1:24
we go wrong and our failings and our
1:27
shortcomings
1:34
thoughts you
1:37
ever yeah sometimes it is there is a bit
1:39
of Nature and great question yeah a bit
1:41
of your can we blame our parents we can
1:44
blame our parents for some things
1:45
because there is a bit of nature nurture
1:48
going on and culture too um like the
1:52
tall poppy syndrome is actually a good
1:55
example of that kind of negative culture
1:57
that you don't want to aim too high or
1:59
just get completely slammed down it's
2:02
because we have this thing called the
2:03
negativity bias have you heard of that
2:05
before yeah and it's really helpful for
2:08
us in an evolutionary sense so if you
2:11
imagine that I'm cavewoman Lucy and I'm
2:13
coming out of my cave in the morning and
2:15
I've got a saber-tooth tiger on one side
2:18
and a rainbow on the other it kind of
2:20
pays for me to look at the saber-tooth
2:23
tiger not the rainbow look at the
2:24
rainbow and I'm dead so that's why we've
2:27
have this ongoing negative ity bias that
2:30
has taught us as humans we are more
2:33
likely to survive if we pay attention to
2:37
threats and weaknesses that is why your
2:39
fight flight and freeze response is so
2:43
finely attuned yeah and that is really
2:46
important for your survival and for some
2:48
of you when you're at work in your every
2:51
day that is Mega important the problem
2:54
is when we're all bombarded by quite
2:58
often quite minimal threats in our
3:00
everyday lives it means that your
3:02
negativity bias is constantly dialed up
3:06
and that interferes with your
3:08
psychological health so I'm not saying
3:12
don't ignore the negative do you
3:14
remember on that slide earlier on it
3:16
said that one of those common
3:19
characteristics of the American Airmen
3:21
was something called realistic optimism
3:24
and another phrase for that is pragmatic
3:27
optimism so when you're really in the
3:30
hole as you said you want to be hoping
3:33
for the future but you never want to be
3:37
um diminishing the enormity of what
3:41
you're up against so we want to accept
3:43
that you know we're in a whole lot of
3:45
trouble right here but I'm never going
3:48
to stop believing that I won't somehow
3:51
get through it so you need to this we
3:53
talk in resilient psychology about
3:55
mental agility and this is what you need
3:58
to be able to do you know you know need
4:00
to be able to focus on the threat and
4:02
continue to notice what is still good in
4:06
your world just the balance those
4:09
negative and positive emotions so that
4:11
you don't drown in that negativity
4:14
Vortex which interferes with your
4:17
functioning are you all getting that am
4:19
I making sense cool so I've just put a
4:22
few questions up here so I'm you can um
4:25
you can get a copy of my slides at the
4:27
end um so it's important to understand
4:30
that your negativity bias is there for a
4:31
reason it can save you in extreme
4:34
moments that's your fight flight or
4:36
freeze response but don't let it
4:39
your psychological health so that you
4:41
can't function at your best day in day
4:43
out so here are some questions just to
4:46
ask yourself when things are
4:56
tough can you see how they're not
4:58
diminishing what you're up against but
5:01
actually forcing you to notice that that
5:03
you do still have assets and strengths
5:07
and resources here and to know that
5:10
noticing them tuning into what is still
5:13
good in your world who is there for you
5:17
what has worked for you in the past is
5:20
absolutely fundamental for your ability
5:25
to be able to withstand threat Challenge
5:28
and change okay so take this slide back
5:32
to your units to your families and make
5:35
sure that you stick it somewhere and you
5:37
talk about it have conversations about
5:39
when the going gets tough how can we
5:42
make sure that we're still tuning into
5:45
what is good in our world and our
5:48
strengths and our assets and the
5:50
resources that are available to us
very selective over what they focus
0:12
their attention on okay so looks like
0:18
this make sense you want to focus your
0:22
limited attention on what you can
0:25
control and the things that
0:28
matter I think think this was a
0:30
lifesaver for me in the weeks and months
0:34
after the girls died I remember
0:37
thinking choose life not death don't
0:40
lose what you have to what you have got
0:44
and I had two beautiful teenage boys in
0:47
the house at the time and I was really
0:48
determined not to be one of those um
0:52
Family estrangement statistics and to do
0:56
whatever it takes you know to muddle
1:00
along in a way that meant that it didn't
1:03
injure and damage their lives anymore
1:06
than it already had lost losing their
1:09
sister
1:11
so choosing where you focus your
1:14
attention is really important um why do
1:17
you think it's difficult any
1:18
ideas why do you think we get sucked
1:21
into all of that fomo and you know where
1:24
we go wrong and our failings and our
1:27
shortcomings
1:34
thoughts you
1:37
ever yeah sometimes it is there is a bit
1:39
of Nature and great question yeah a bit
1:41
of your can we blame our parents we can
1:44
blame our parents for some things
1:45
because there is a bit of nature nurture
1:48
going on and culture too um like the
1:52
tall poppy syndrome is actually a good
1:55
example of that kind of negative culture
1:57
that you don't want to aim too high or
1:59
just get completely slammed down it's
2:02
because we have this thing called the
2:03
negativity bias have you heard of that
2:05
before yeah and it's really helpful for
2:08
us in an evolutionary sense so if you
2:11
imagine that I'm cavewoman Lucy and I'm
2:13
coming out of my cave in the morning and
2:15
I've got a saber-tooth tiger on one side
2:18
and a rainbow on the other it kind of
2:20
pays for me to look at the saber-tooth
2:23
tiger not the rainbow look at the
2:24
rainbow and I'm dead so that's why we've
2:27
have this ongoing negative ity bias that
2:30
has taught us as humans we are more
2:33
likely to survive if we pay attention to
2:37
threats and weaknesses that is why your
2:39
fight flight and freeze response is so
2:43
finely attuned yeah and that is really
2:46
important for your survival and for some
2:48
of you when you're at work in your every
2:51
day that is Mega important the problem
2:54
is when we're all bombarded by quite
2:58
often quite minimal threats in our
3:00
everyday lives it means that your
3:02
negativity bias is constantly dialed up
3:06
and that interferes with your
3:08
psychological health so I'm not saying
3:12
don't ignore the negative do you
3:14
remember on that slide earlier on it
3:16
said that one of those common
3:19
characteristics of the American Airmen
3:21
was something called realistic optimism
3:24
and another phrase for that is pragmatic
3:27
optimism so when you're really in the
3:30
hole as you said you want to be hoping
3:33
for the future but you never want to be
3:37
um diminishing the enormity of what
3:41
you're up against so we want to accept
3:43
that you know we're in a whole lot of
3:45
trouble right here but I'm never going
3:48
to stop believing that I won't somehow
3:51
get through it so you need to this we
3:53
talk in resilient psychology about
3:55
mental agility and this is what you need
3:58
to be able to do you know you know need
4:00
to be able to focus on the threat and
4:02
continue to notice what is still good in
4:06
your world just the balance those
4:09
negative and positive emotions so that
4:11
you don't drown in that negativity
4:14
Vortex which interferes with your
4:17
functioning are you all getting that am
4:19
I making sense cool so I've just put a
4:22
few questions up here so I'm you can um
4:25
you can get a copy of my slides at the
4:27
end um so it's important to understand
4:30
that your negativity bias is there for a
4:31
reason it can save you in extreme
4:34
moments that's your fight flight or
4:36
freeze response but don't let it
4:39
your psychological health so that you
4:41
can't function at your best day in day
4:43
out so here are some questions just to
4:46
ask yourself when things are
4:56
tough can you see how they're not
4:58
diminishing what you're up against but
5:01
actually forcing you to notice that that
5:03
you do still have assets and strengths
5:07
and resources here and to know that
5:10
noticing them tuning into what is still
5:13
good in your world who is there for you
5:17
what has worked for you in the past is
5:20
absolutely fundamental for your ability
5:25
to be able to withstand threat Challenge
5:28
and change okay so take this slide back
5:32
to your units to your families and make
5:35
sure that you stick it somewhere and you
5:37
talk about it have conversations about
5:39
when the going gets tough how can we
5:42
make sure that we're still tuning into
5:45
what is good in our world and our
5:48
strengths and our assets and the
5:50
resources that are available to us
Ask, is this helping or harming me?
Dr Lucy Hone: Ask, is this helping or harming me?
0:00
that when something's going on and when
0:02
you are facing tough times a great
0:04
question to ask yourself is is what I'm
0:08
doing right now the way I'm choosing to
0:11
think act or be is it helping or harming
0:15
me in my quest to get through this to be
0:21
the best I can be to maintain that
0:23
relationship with someone you know who I
0:26
need to maintain this relationship with
0:29
so knowing this for me has been a game
0:32
Cher for my resilience over the last
0:35
decade since the girls
0:38
died knowing it right from the beginning
0:41
was absolutely pivotal we never blamed
0:44
the driver we always chose to forgive
0:47
the driver I think we kind of knew that
0:49
no good was ever going to come from that
0:52
but we were offered a restorative
0:55
justice session with him um a few weeks
0:57
after the girls died and I remember my
1:00
husband and I saying will that help me
1:02
or will it harm me going along and
1:04
meeting him and I thought I don't want
1:07
to blame him but I want to keep him a
1:09
bit part in our kind of story I don't
1:12
want him and his world to loom too large
1:16
in my head so I decided not to meet with
1:18
him and my husband asking exactly the
1:20
same question will meeting him help me
1:23
or harm me said yep no I do want to meet
1:25
with him and he ended up spending two
1:27
hours with him so I use that as an
1:30
example because it shows the potency of
1:33
this question its ability to put you in
1:35
the driver's seat of your mental health
1:39
yeah I truly believe that within us we
1:41
kind of do know what is best for us
1:44
what's going to enable us to get through
1:47
this moment so ask yourself you know is
1:50
what I'm doing I've got a few examples
1:52
for you here helping or harming me you
1:54
know that kind of midnight social media
1:56
scroll the um fifth glass of wine on a
2:00
Thursday night whatever it is um bit of
2:04
that inner critic all of that blame is
2:07
that helping or harming you listening to
2:10
TalkBack radio does any anybody here
2:12
find themselves shouting at TalkBack
2:14
radio you do know you can turn it off
2:18
but all of the um you know media
2:19
notifications I was listening I happened
2:21
to listen to the news on the way in here
2:23
today and I thought whoa It's a pretty
2:26
dark picture of the world and sometimes
2:29
I think it's really important for us to
2:30
know that we have control here we can
2:34
choose what comes into our world and
2:37
sometimes all of that stuff coming into
2:39
our world isn't helpful in our long-term
2:42
mental health functioning
that when something's going on and when
0:02
you are facing tough times a great
0:04
question to ask yourself is is what I'm
0:08
doing right now the way I'm choosing to
0:11
think act or be is it helping or harming
0:15
me in my quest to get through this to be
0:21
the best I can be to maintain that
0:23
relationship with someone you know who I
0:26
need to maintain this relationship with
0:29
so knowing this for me has been a game
0:32
Cher for my resilience over the last
0:35
decade since the girls
0:38
died knowing it right from the beginning
0:41
was absolutely pivotal we never blamed
0:44
the driver we always chose to forgive
0:47
the driver I think we kind of knew that
0:49
no good was ever going to come from that
0:52
but we were offered a restorative
0:55
justice session with him um a few weeks
0:57
after the girls died and I remember my
1:00
husband and I saying will that help me
1:02
or will it harm me going along and
1:04
meeting him and I thought I don't want
1:07
to blame him but I want to keep him a
1:09
bit part in our kind of story I don't
1:12
want him and his world to loom too large
1:16
in my head so I decided not to meet with
1:18
him and my husband asking exactly the
1:20
same question will meeting him help me
1:23
or harm me said yep no I do want to meet
1:25
with him and he ended up spending two
1:27
hours with him so I use that as an
1:30
example because it shows the potency of
1:33
this question its ability to put you in
1:35
the driver's seat of your mental health
1:39
yeah I truly believe that within us we
1:41
kind of do know what is best for us
1:44
what's going to enable us to get through
1:47
this moment so ask yourself you know is
1:50
what I'm doing I've got a few examples
1:52
for you here helping or harming me you
1:54
know that kind of midnight social media
1:56
scroll the um fifth glass of wine on a
2:00
Thursday night whatever it is um bit of
2:04
that inner critic all of that blame is
2:07
that helping or harming you listening to
2:10
TalkBack radio does any anybody here
2:12
find themselves shouting at TalkBack
2:14
radio you do know you can turn it off
2:18
but all of the um you know media
2:19
notifications I was listening I happened
2:21
to listen to the news on the way in here
2:23
today and I thought whoa It's a pretty
2:26
dark picture of the world and sometimes
2:29
I think it's really important for us to
2:30
know that we have control here we can
2:34
choose what comes into our world and
2:37
sometimes all of that stuff coming into
2:39
our world isn't helpful in our long-term
2:42
mental health functioning