Being Men - tough times

00:13
my biggest fear is going back to a place
00:18
where I was three years ago
00:22
and I was depressed it's a scariest
00:26
place I've ever been
00:32
it
00:34
it scares me so much that I do
00:37
everything I can to make sure I'm
00:41
healthy
00:43
it scares me enough that I don't ever
00:46
want to do the things that led me there
00:51
but at the same time it was so much of a
00:56
positive learning experience and it's
00:59
really hard to put depression positivity
01:03
in the same sentence but without that I
01:09
wouldn't be the person I am today
01:11
so it scares the absolute [ __ ] out of me
01:15
but at the same time I acknowledge it
01:18
and I'm thankful that I came out of it
01:20
and that it was there to show me how
01:24
good I can be now
01:28
[Music]
01:36
[Music]
02:38
there are definitely days when my body
02:43
the physical part of it no matter like
02:47
how tough it is
02:48
how many tackles are Michael like
02:50
whatever you know as a real players its
02:52
physical and manly there are definitely
02:55
days when there doesn't mean a thing
02:58
because inside I'm like I'm broken name
03:03
nothing really recent but there have
03:05
been times when I go out and play footy
03:08
and smash it you know but I'll get home
03:12
and just empty or something's going on
03:16
and I'm just you know I'm betting away
03:20
behind the scenes but that's what it is
03:23
nowadays half of the time as a man
03:24
that's just putting up a front we're
03:28
masters of the mask
03:29
I think after high school three years or
03:36
something there was like a phase where I
03:42
just developed like say anxiety I guess
03:46
such a blanket term that people use
03:49
anxiety but I was just feeling like
03:52
literally fear emotionally but also
03:57
physically like and in the form of
04:00
tension and fatigue like I was hiding
04:08
from some threat or something I was just
04:11
in a state of fear without cause
04:14
sometimes just waking up and just
04:19
feeling tight and afraid like and no no
04:26
hope and but at the same time being like
04:29
what the [ __ ] there's nothing
04:31
my life's good like isn't it literally
04:34
nothing to be afraid of or worried about
04:37
yeah look I think that for me I wasn't
04:40
any anxiety based depressant so I was
04:43
having anxiety attacks often and
04:45
ignoring them and while they're two
04:48
different illnesses
04:49
I'm not quite related so people can have
04:51
anxiety all their lives and not fall
04:54
into a depression but there's a higher
04:56
likelihood that you will and say I was
04:58
an anxiety based person who fell into a
05:03
depression I didn't tell anyone I kept
05:05
it all to myself I remember when I was
05:11
going through my anxiety in my dark
05:14
pitch that I used to come to training
05:16
and there'll be boys with I guess
05:19
visible injuries they'd have a broken
05:22
arm or brokenly
05:24
and that always be asked you know a UK
05:29
bro when are you gonna be back buddy Bob
05:32
LA and I used to sometimes just stand
05:35
there think I wish they knew how I found
05:38
inside and I wish they could ask like a
05:43
you okay bro or like how are you but I
05:47
was obviously I wasn't too embarrassed
05:50
to tell them what I was going through my
05:54
life had gotten so bad that I didn't
05:59
know how to deal with me and I
06:02
definitely was calling to try and find
06:05
some sort of connection with everyone I
06:08
could but it hadn't have been for my mum
06:12
or my mate
06:14
Darren all my Damon I wouldn't probably
06:20
wouldn't be and it wasn't out of being
06:24
selfish because I know a lot of you like
06:26
it's a most selfish thing to do it like
06:27
it was that was so hard
06:30
it wasn't about anybody else's I just
06:33
don't want to feel pain anymore
06:39
[Music]
06:44
[Music]
06:58
the importance that I put on like mental
07:01
health and my own mental well-being is
07:03
yeah there has to be number one because
07:05
a fair doesn't uncheck then then you I
07:11
struggle and I don't well not that I
07:14
thought that I struggle like I just
07:16
don't know how to cope and I can't I
07:22
don't know how to get myself out of it
07:25
if things are going bad and that's where
07:30
I think that's right
07:34
so I've realized that you know it's all
07:37
good to struggle when you know it means
07:39
what like you have your ups and downs
07:40
and you know I'm no different I have
07:43
great things I've days and they suck and
07:46
things that go to plan and I think that
07:48
something's wrong and it's all good to
07:51
think that but it's how how I'll get
07:53
myself how I persist there I'll get
07:56
myself out of it and yeah how I keep I
08:00
guess moving forward and and getting on
08:03
with things
08:05
mmm you know you've got to know the
08:07
signs you've got to understand where you
08:10
are emotionally so that you can take
08:12
control of that and you know if you're
08:14
starting to to feel those stresses and
08:18
my mind comes back when you know when on
08:23
I have my doubts come back so I know
08:28
when I'm starting to get stressed
08:29
because some of my doubts that I've
08:31
already dealt with so those famous mind
08:35
traps will come back so I know when they
08:36
start coming back I need to look after
08:40
myself a bit I think a big stress for me
08:43
is like my future because in a way I've
08:48
got a idea in my head of how I think my
08:52
life would pan out or could pan out say
08:57
if it doesn't or sometimes you don't
09:02
think it and then it begins dressing you
09:04
up
09:07
the biggest contributors to my series
09:10
would be being way too preoccupied and
09:14
and having more things part on top and
09:17
then feeling like I can't get any of
09:19
these things done which leads to my
09:22
guilt which then leads to me feeling
09:27
really shitty about it so and it's
09:31
infuriating yeah I get frustrated as
09:34
well when I'm feeling down but I just
09:37
don't know what's why I'm feeling down
09:39
or trying to figure out like why I'm
09:43
feeling like this that's the most
09:45
frustrating thing and especially when
09:48
people were trying to help me in I wash
09:51
trying to help me but I'd just him like
09:53
I just yeah it's frustrating yeah I mean
10:04
there's a few things I sort of try and
10:06
manage you know the anger and
10:07
frustration first of it's like just
10:09
acknowledging it so you know like if I'm
10:12
starting to sort of high pop or or get a
10:15
bit frustrated or angry it's like you
10:17
know what first of all like what's
10:20
happening like why why is why you
10:21
starting to get a bit angry and just
10:23
having that awareness of what's causing
10:25
it then if I can try and like you know
10:28
settle it then in there I'll try and do
10:31
that if it's sort of something that's
10:32
bubbling up you know I might talk to my
10:34
wife about it and sort of just see what
10:37
she thinks about it and try and break it
10:39
down so there's definitely a couple
10:41
things that I sort of used to help to
10:43
try and you know manage manage those
10:46
feelings I think I've got a lot of
10:49
different ways to release emotions like
10:55
you can you can go for a beer with mates
10:56
you can go to golf or you can go take
10:59
yourself away you can go watch your
11:01
movie by yourself and being I think all
11:03
of those things releasing certain
11:06
emotions and and I don't know I don't
11:08
think there's one right way or one wrong
11:11
way sort of thing I think
11:12
I think there's so many yes so many
11:15
different one there's so many different
11:18
emotions we feel but then there's so
11:19
many different emotions that we can sort
11:22
of or so many different pathways we can
11:24
sort of release those emotions or get in
11:28
touch with them or then sort of find
11:29
ways how to deal with them because
11:31
obviously yeah the more stress and
11:34
frustration and anxiety and stuff we put
11:36
on ourselves the more it builds up over
11:39
time and I think maybe like sometimes
11:42
you do it without even realizing you're
11:44
you're doing it as well like I've
11:46
definitely felt myself if you're feeling
11:48
a bit anxious about things I do yeah
11:51
about say team selection or anything
11:53
like then and if you can feel them if
11:55
it's already coming over you sort of
11:56
take yourself away and watch a movie or
11:57
something and maybe you don't quite
11:59
consciously be like oh I'm gonna take
12:01
myself away and sort of have some
12:02
downtime but you you sort of end up
12:05
doing it anyway and I think it's
12:08
important maybe you develop it over to
12:10
home not too sure I don't know if I
12:12
realized what I needed to do but I
12:14
slowly shifted my way so that I was like
12:19
stepping into life and I just started
12:22
with small things changing my ways of
12:26
thinking and changing the way I was
12:28
eating and drinking water and making
12:31
sure I was sleeping is like the basic
12:33
[ __ ] you know like just looking out for
12:36
the basics yeah like um as soon as I I
12:42
told someone like help me get better and
12:47
they helped me to get better and the
12:50
more people I told the sort of that
12:55
pretty much the better I got um I went
12:59
and saw a specialist and everything like
13:00
that and he gave me medication which
13:03
helped me but definitely opening up has
13:08
helped me a lot a lot through it like
13:12
you know it's been a long process like
13:15
him you know I went through you probably
13:18
you know six months of it but it took a
13:21
good year
13:23
to really you know get over it to where
13:26
I am now like I still experience things
13:30
at times but yet like if I could say
13:35
anything to anyone that may be going
13:38
through it out there like as soon as I
13:40
told someone you know and they they talk
13:45
to me about it and got me help like
13:47
there was it was a style of me getting
13:49
better um what I've gained when I do
13:53
sheer to different people was I get a
13:57
lot of one I did most of the time the
14:02
people are going through exactly the
14:04
same thing as you or have experienced
14:06
that and and it's like that in itself is
14:11
beautiful because I thought your whole
14:14
life or your childhood you think that
14:17
you're only yourself is going through
14:18
these kind of things and you and it's
14:21
kind of betrayal out there and when you
14:23
finally do honestly like just through
14:26
experience when you do like you're so
14:29
vulnerable and and then you hear someone
14:31
just go man I've going through the same
14:33
thing and then you hear someone going
14:35
like it's okay we we got we will go for
14:38
it together like just hearing like
14:40
different perspectives and different
14:41
like encouragement from those specific
14:44
people was like honestly is like the
14:47
best feeling in the world him in just
14:50
from there like he just bond stronger
14:54
relationships these guys in my life
14:57
right now
14:57
they're I would never last year have
15:01
have thought I'd be close with and just
15:04
through opening up and like connecting
15:07
off their men talking about our feelings
15:09
and what we're going through like our
15:11
journeys like we've just connected like
15:13
so strongly and it's yeah always used
15:16
beautiful because it is yeah and just
15:20
hearing different perspectives and
15:21
hearing having a lot of people in and
15:23
the encouragement sand here and saying
15:27
that they're going through that same
15:28
thing it's kind of like it's really nice
15:31
as a man to hear that and know that
15:34
you're not going through things or
15:37
through an experience alone yeah
15:40
[Music]
16:18
[Music]
16:25
[Music]
16:34
[Music]