Madonna Hug

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so this exercise is called the madonna
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hug and it's this amazing exercise that
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will probably feel a little bit unusual
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the first few times you do it but if you
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do it it's a great deal of fun and it's
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a really awesome way to build connection
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in the relationship and to create a
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sense of safety particularly from a
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female partner to a male partner and
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it can be used in a lot of different uh
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situations and after you've done it
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about five or ten times you will
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intuitively have a really good sense
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about when this is going to be
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appropriate
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so for the madonna hug basically the
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guy's going to be sitting down on a
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chair
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and he's going to open his legs slightly
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and his female partner is going to walk
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towards him and
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and then put her arms around
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him and he's going to put his arms
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around her and
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so guys this isn't a grope session um
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this is an opportunity to um you know
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just find a place that feels comfortable
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which in most cases will be resting on
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top of the hips
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and um
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and so as you see here manu is uh
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putting her hands just on the back of
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luke's neck and um and she's cradling
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the um uh the back of his head in the
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same position that we would tend to um
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to hold a baby when we were supporting
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it now this this is really powerful
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because this activates uh the
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the baby part of the brain and it
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triggers feelings of safety and and
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security
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now occasionally what may happen
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particularly if there is some some
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difficulties in your early childhood or
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some fears about vulnerability and stuff
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sometimes this may feel quite
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uncomfortable and there may be an
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experience that the guy has of feeling
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triggered and um or feeling a bit
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smothered and so if that was to happen
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what he's going to do is he's going to
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lean back
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and um and manu is going to is going to
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release him and they're going to go to
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eye contact because that will help
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engage the adult brain and just create a
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sense of reassurance and safety and then
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they'd wait
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until that was karma take it both of
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them will take a deep breath and then
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they'll try going back into the hug now
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as manu's other hand is going to be
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resting over his back she is not going
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to be doing this which is the rubbing um
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thing um
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manu is actually naturally doing the
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rubbing really slow i have seen clients
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kind of like rub them like they're
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trying to reassure them
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that will distract uh the person from it
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you're just basically just going to hold
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keep your hands fairly still and just
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breathe slowly and deeply
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now as you see her manu is also resting
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resting her face or a chin
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on the top of his head
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and um and so he's fully held in in the
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embrace and um and so there's the
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feeling that that he can get as someone
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who's much bigger than manu that lu can
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have that feeling of being held by her
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by being surrounded in her embrace
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experiencing the comfort of her her body
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in a very um a very tender
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way
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and
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and so then one of the other things that
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manu can do that can be really powerful
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is if she just takes a deep breath and
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this will will feel strange the first
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few times you do it take a deep breath
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and go
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[Music]
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again this will feel really strange but
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what it does is it sends a harmonic down
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through the body and it helps reset the
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nervous system
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so assuming that luke is now comfortable
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enough that his eyes are closed that
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he's relaxed his brain will
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automatically have shifted much more
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towards the baby brain which means that
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he's going to be in a um his brain will
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be operating on a slightly lower
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electrical frequency similar to the
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state that will happen when we go into a
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trance or meditation and so he's likely
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to be in a space of feeling quite
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timeless so
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he might have a sense that this has gone
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on for a really long time or a really
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short time and um and the idea is that
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manu is in a position that that's
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comfortable that she can hold this for
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as long as necessary
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and then when luke is ready to you know
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emerge from that he will kind of signal
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that he might just give her a little
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squeeze but he comes out and they are
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going to make eye contact and this is
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helping them connect adult brain to
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adult brain again and
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and then they can move out of the hope
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you