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Defence Health HubHow to Deal With Change in Life
Tips for understanding and navigating change in life with Peter Sage.
How to Deal With Change in Life
Tips for understanding and navigating change in life with Peter Sage.
00:00
hi this is Peter sage creator of the
00:02
millionaire Business School as a mess
00:04
selling author and on this video I want
00:07
to address a real serious issue for many
00:10
people and that is how to deal with
00:13
change in life now the question is yeah
00:17
is there change in life and we all know
00:19
the answer to that there is change but
00:21
not only just in life but in every
00:24
single level of life change is
00:26
everywhere
00:27
and in a modern society where things are
00:29
exponentially growing faster from our
00:32
understanding of life and physics and
00:36
science and and the things that come out
00:37
of that to really the way society is
00:40
exponentially growing and digging with
00:43
this own issues and problems and try to
00:45
adapt to find its level then change has
00:48
never been more pertinent at any time in
00:52
human history than it is right now and
00:55
what I notice is that there's so many
00:56
people have a tough time with that yeah
00:58
it's really very catabolic it really
01:01
pushes people back into their shell oh
01:02
can throw them off balance if they don't
01:05
have a way of being able to deal with
01:07
change in their life it can literally
01:10
paralyze people through fear and it's
01:14
such a shame because change can really
01:16
be your best friend and understanding
01:19
change and the inevitability of that is
01:22
really the difference between using it
01:24
to empower you or allowing yourself to
01:27
be disempowered so you know let's just
01:29
take a look at that and it's not just
01:31
about change in life this is change at
01:34
work changing your relationships change
01:36
in anything and the reason I want to
01:39
cover it all is because how you do
01:41
something is usually indicative of how
01:44
you do everything
01:45
so how you handle change at work will
01:47
really be the foundational pattern of
01:49
how you handle change in relationships
01:51
how you handle change in plans when they
01:54
change unexpectedly so you know let's
01:56
just look at an overarching
01:58
understanding of that and see if there's
02:00
something we can pick out together here
02:02
that'll hopefully I'll allow you to deal
02:04
with change in a more powerful and
02:06
positive way
02:08
let's just look at as I say the word so
02:10
yeah change itself we have a lot of
02:14
different associations to if you like
02:17
surprises for example yeah Tony Robin
02:20
states this he says you know people like
02:21
surprises right you like surprises well
02:24
you know the reality is is that you like
02:26
the surprises that you want the
02:29
surprises that we don't want we tend to
02:31
call problems and so you know it's
02:34
dealing with the surprises that we don't
02:37
want that really is our relationship or
02:40
governs our relationship to change so
02:42
you know if you can understand that so
02:45
many people are paralyzed through the
02:49
thought of stepping out of their comfort
02:51
zone and the term comfort zone is widely
02:54
used and really it's about where you
02:57
have a tolerance or a limit of your
03:00
tolerance for what steps in or out of
03:03
that sort of environment in terms of
03:05
change so you know if you have a work
03:09
environment and all of a sudden yeah
03:11
there's a change to your job description
03:14
and it's a small change that doesn't
03:15
push you too far outside of your comfort
03:17
zone then you kind of adapt no big deal
03:18
if all of a sudden your company gets
03:20
taken over and everything changes from
03:22
the management to the pay structure to
03:24
you know the the job roles and
03:26
responsibilities then that pushes people
03:28
usually further outside of their comfort
03:30
zone and that's where resistance to
03:32
change tends to come in so how do you
03:35
become resilient to that well it's most
03:37
surprised that the people who are most
03:40
successful in adapting or being
03:42
resilient to change aren't those that
03:45
have the special techniques that allow
03:47
them to you know embrace or deal with
03:49
the stuff in the outer world in a more a
03:53
sort of a strategic or appropriate way
03:55
know managing change is not an outer
03:59
game on how to dance differently with
04:01
the circumstances managing change in the
04:04
keys to resilience around change
04:06
management is all about managing the
04:08
inner world you see the first thing to
04:11
understand is that everything in the
04:15
outer world everything in the physical
04:17
world is subject to the law of
04:19
impermanence
04:21
every single relationship that you or I
04:24
have will end let's put the stuff on the
04:28
table guys yeah whether you want to hear
04:30
it whether you don't let's face facts
04:32
every single relationship your
04:34
relationship with your body will one day
04:36
end your relationship with your your
04:38
soul mates will one day end in the
04:40
physical world either one or both of you
04:43
will die or you will choose separate
04:44
paths during the journey while you're
04:46
still alive but every relationship ends
04:48
your relationship with your current
04:50
employer will end one day now either you
04:52
will choose to leave they will invite
04:54
you to leave or the company itself will
04:56
transition in or out of business but
04:59
every relationship ends so understanding
05:02
that as a framework everything in the
05:05
physical world is subject to the law of
05:06
impermanence kind of at least sets us up
05:09
for understanding the game that we're
05:11
trying to play yeah so how do you deal
05:14
with that well I mean I remember the
05:17
story said to be King Solomon that went
05:21
to his yet his wise men and he says
05:25
listen can you please give me a phrase
05:27
that whenever I face uncertainty will
05:30
allow me to deal with that uncertainty
05:32
to help me with that uncertainty and
05:34
they went away and they deliberated and
05:36
they started to try to to pick or put
05:40
together this phrase and all of the wise
05:42
men and the sages at the time came back
05:44
and they actually handed him a ring and
05:46
the ring was inscribed with one sentence
05:50
and the sentence was this too shall pass
05:55
this too shall pass if you're having a
05:58
great time now guess what this too shall
06:00
pass you're having a tough time right
06:01
now
06:02
this too shall pass yeah the seasons of
06:05
life are the seasons of life now some
06:07
people in the winter of their lives and
06:09
therefore they either get cold or they
06:11
go skiing depending on how they handle
06:13
that other people are in springtime but
06:15
here's what I know spring always follows
06:18
winter you can't shortcut that it can't
06:21
be summer all the time it can't be fall
06:23
all the time yeah it can't be hard time
06:25
to harvest all the time sometimes you've
06:27
got to do the work and then suffer
06:29
through the cold and then wait for
06:30
spring again but change is an inevitable
06:32
part of life the cycles have change
06:35
the only constant has also been said if
06:39
you go to that the Bible yeah a book
06:41
that it has so much profound wisdom in
06:44
when you can strip away some of the that
06:46
the metaphors and go for the actual
06:48
understanding of the that the messages
06:51
contained you've got some Ecclesiastes
06:54
number three one of my favorite part of
06:56
the Bible when they talk about you know
06:59
there's there's a time for everything
07:01
there's a time to tear down there's a
07:03
time to build there's a time to weep and
07:05
there's a time to laugh time to love
07:08
time to hate time for peace time for war
07:10
yeah everything has its time and you
07:14
know I was handed that chapter from
07:18
Ecclesiastes at the time that my mother
07:21
passed away and that was my essentially
07:23
last living close relative you know I
07:25
don't have any brothers I have any
07:27
sisters or my grandparents had passed
07:29
away by the time I was six I have very
07:32
few aunts uncles or cousins that I see
07:34
on any kind of regular basis or close to
07:35
so my mom was was kind of my last living
07:38
relative and she passed away very
07:39
recently and very separately to my
07:41
father just 18 months after so I was
07:44
very alone at that point but it was a
07:46
wise uncle that I hadn't seen for awhile
07:49
came up to me he handed me at my
07:51
mother's funeral that verse from
07:53
Ecclesiastes and that's how it really
07:55
helped you know to understand that yeah
07:57
it's it's every parent's wish that their
07:59
children outlive them for example yeah
08:02
it's going to happen at some point you
08:04
know the only downside is we never get
08:06
to choose well and it's always too soon
08:08
but there's a time you know there's time
08:11
for everything so understanding that the
08:13
base level is that change will happen
08:15
whether you or I want it to or not is
08:17
the foundational point the other thing
08:20
that we need to look at here my friends
08:21
is that most of us are way too attached
08:25
to the comfort zone that we're in and if
08:28
you only understood or knew what a
08:30
comfort zone was to the human your
08:32
personality and potential you'll
08:33
probably only be too keen to jump out of
08:35
it because it's so inconsistent with the
08:38
limitless nature of what we're capable
08:39
of is so confining to us so why don't
08:42
step out of here or I don't take this
08:44
opportunity or oh my god I'm going to
08:45
withdraw from from something that now
08:47
doesn't fit
08:48
my pictures because it yeah I'm not
08:49
familiar with it you know being able to
08:52
seize the day being able to swing the
08:53
bat at life swing hit miss pitched
08:56
strikeout doesn't matter getting in the
08:58
game at that level is what really the
09:00
key to entrepreneurship is it's the
09:02
ability to handle uncertainty but know
09:04
that there is no certainty in life so
09:07
how do you deal with that change well
09:08
one of the things I'd invite you to do
09:10
is to actually write down a list of all
09:14
of the things that you feel that you're
09:16
most attached to and just analyze it
09:19
because that's usually where the weak
09:20
points are that's usually where we tend
09:22
to freak out if something threatens that
09:24
level of attachment it's a relationship
09:26
to a certain person is it the financial
09:28
circumstances or a certain type of home
09:30
that you live in that you don't want to
09:32
let go of now I'm not saying ignore it
09:34
I'm not saying bury head in the sand and
09:36
be an ostrich far from it I'm saying
09:38
identify if you want to learn how to
09:39
deal with change identify where are the
09:43
things that you're most attached to and
09:45
here's what I'm going to invite you to
09:47
do I'm going to invite you to listen to
09:51
the words of one of my great mentors
09:53
yeah a very famous person who has given
09:56
wisdom throughout the last couple of
09:59
decades to many millions of people
10:00
especially from my generation a person
10:03
who I personally never met but yeah is
10:06
kind of making a comeback on the scene
10:07
right now and that is master Yoda from
10:10
Star Wars and yeah whether George Lucas
10:13
was just a an inherent genius in some of
10:15
the words that he was putting through
10:16
the character of Yoda or not I don't
10:19
know I reserve judgment but one of the
10:22
phrases that Yoda gives in Star Wars is
10:24
yeah it's actually in my studio here on
10:26
my wallets in my meditation room and
10:27
it's very profound
10:29
if says train yourself to let go of
10:32
everything you fear to lose just sit
10:36
with that for a second because that
10:38
freaks a lot of people out but you know
10:41
follow me here train yourself to let go
10:44
of everything you fear to lose every
10:47
relationship in life ends my friends and
10:48
everything in the physical world is
10:50
subject to the law of impermanence we
10:51
can't circumvent that so train yourself
10:54
to let go of everything you fear to lose
10:57
and what that does in my mind is it sets
11:01
up the following
11:01
metaphor every attachment we have
11:03
everything on the list that you're
11:04
putting together is always like a wall
11:07
and the more we're attached to it the
11:09
more we're leaning on that wall now if
11:12
you're leaning on a wall and somebody
11:14
takes that wall away what tends to
11:16
happen you become unstable yeah it
11:18
throws you off balance at best and
11:20
usually can land you on your ass at
11:21
worst so you know making out what are
11:24
the walls that I'm leaning on because if
11:27
I'm so desperate to keep hold of this
11:29
job because I need it to pay my rent and
11:31
that's the wall I'm really leaning on if
11:32
that gets taken away which is 1,000%
11:35
probable then I'm gonna fall over and be
11:38
depressed and from that state of being
11:40
depressed it's very hard to go and then
11:42
stand on my own two feet and go get
11:43
another job so if I can start to
11:47
understand that my attachments are like
11:49
walls that I'm leaning on I can start to
11:51
place myself in a way that I'm standing
11:54
on my own two feet if I can start to
11:57
train myself to let go of what I fear to
11:59
lose so that more of me is grounded
12:01
solid centered present then if it does
12:04
fall away which there's no guarantees or
12:07
certainty that it ever won then I'm not
12:10
going to go with it now the magic in
12:12
this is not suddenly saying I don't care
12:14
far from it listening instead it's about
12:17
saying you know if I'm committed for
12:18
example to a relationship and I'm so
12:20
scared of this person leaving me well
12:22
for a start and this is another video
12:23
yeah that sets up codependence and
12:25
neediness which means you can't love
12:27
unconditionally that which you're
12:28
leaning against at all ever but let's
12:31
just say it's a relationship and I'm
12:33
leaning on that wall if that person
12:34
leaves me yes I feel lost I feel sadness
12:37
I feel grief I feel yeah a lack of
12:39
connection but if I was standing on my
12:41
own two feet in relationship to that
12:45
person so that I can celebrate being
12:47
with them like two separate instruments
12:50
that create a harmony like one plus one
12:52
equals eleven together but when one goes
12:54
I'm still one on my own not all of a
12:57
sudden is minus one now because I've
12:59
collapsed I was leaning on the wall then
13:01
yet from that place I can start to bring
13:04
more of me to the table to the job that
13:07
I'm in to the relationship that I'm in
13:09
you understand so by letting go of what
13:12
I fear to lose the energy that I'm
13:14
trying to grab
13:15
hold of it with is released to allow
13:17
more of me to show up which contributes
13:19
more to my workplace which allows me
13:22
probably less chance of being let go of
13:24
that job or that relationship so how do
13:29
you deal with change in life except that
13:31
it's there and it's our relationship to
13:34
it that is the fundamental driver and
13:35
the more we're leaning on the
13:36
attachments that we have the more likely
13:39
we're going to be falling down hard if
13:40
somebody takes that war away for
13:42
whatever reason so you know owning
13:46
yourself at that level and knowing that
13:47
no matter what happens no matter what
13:49
life throws at you no matter where ya
13:53
the river wines on its journey through
13:55
life that you will always be okay that
13:59
ya no matter whether you screw up or
14:01
whether you don't you'll still be loved
14:03
by the people that matter yeah if they
14:07
don't mind then you know the people that
14:10
mind won't matter and the people that
14:11
matter won't mind as I can't say it any
14:14
simpler than that so you know just
14:16
knowing that regardless of what happens
14:18
you'll be okay we live in a society
14:19
where it's impossible to starve to death
14:22
go back a hundred years and try that one
14:24
we were worried if we if we got a thorn
14:27
while we were gardening in case
14:29
septicemia set in and you know caused us
14:32
to be you know out of this game in three
14:33
weeks from now as one of the impetuses
14:36
behind the creation of penicillin here
14:39
so we live with so much more certainty
14:41
right now about things that are
14:42
important understand that focusing on
14:45
what we can be grateful for rather than
14:48
what we're afraid of
14:49
and those two thoughts can't live in the
14:51
same room will allow us the strength to
14:53
stand on our own two feet bring more of
14:55
who we are to the world and deal with
14:57
whatever life throws at us that is the
14:59
life you were born to live my friends
hi this is Peter sage creator of the
00:02
millionaire Business School as a mess
00:04
selling author and on this video I want
00:07
to address a real serious issue for many
00:10
people and that is how to deal with
00:13
change in life now the question is yeah
00:17
is there change in life and we all know
00:19
the answer to that there is change but
00:21
not only just in life but in every
00:24
single level of life change is
00:26
everywhere
00:27
and in a modern society where things are
00:29
exponentially growing faster from our
00:32
understanding of life and physics and
00:36
science and and the things that come out
00:37
of that to really the way society is
00:40
exponentially growing and digging with
00:43
this own issues and problems and try to
00:45
adapt to find its level then change has
00:48
never been more pertinent at any time in
00:52
human history than it is right now and
00:55
what I notice is that there's so many
00:56
people have a tough time with that yeah
00:58
it's really very catabolic it really
01:01
pushes people back into their shell oh
01:02
can throw them off balance if they don't
01:05
have a way of being able to deal with
01:07
change in their life it can literally
01:10
paralyze people through fear and it's
01:14
such a shame because change can really
01:16
be your best friend and understanding
01:19
change and the inevitability of that is
01:22
really the difference between using it
01:24
to empower you or allowing yourself to
01:27
be disempowered so you know let's just
01:29
take a look at that and it's not just
01:31
about change in life this is change at
01:34
work changing your relationships change
01:36
in anything and the reason I want to
01:39
cover it all is because how you do
01:41
something is usually indicative of how
01:44
you do everything
01:45
so how you handle change at work will
01:47
really be the foundational pattern of
01:49
how you handle change in relationships
01:51
how you handle change in plans when they
01:54
change unexpectedly so you know let's
01:56
just look at an overarching
01:58
understanding of that and see if there's
02:00
something we can pick out together here
02:02
that'll hopefully I'll allow you to deal
02:04
with change in a more powerful and
02:06
positive way
02:08
let's just look at as I say the word so
02:10
yeah change itself we have a lot of
02:14
different associations to if you like
02:17
surprises for example yeah Tony Robin
02:20
states this he says you know people like
02:21
surprises right you like surprises well
02:24
you know the reality is is that you like
02:26
the surprises that you want the
02:29
surprises that we don't want we tend to
02:31
call problems and so you know it's
02:34
dealing with the surprises that we don't
02:37
want that really is our relationship or
02:40
governs our relationship to change so
02:42
you know if you can understand that so
02:45
many people are paralyzed through the
02:49
thought of stepping out of their comfort
02:51
zone and the term comfort zone is widely
02:54
used and really it's about where you
02:57
have a tolerance or a limit of your
03:00
tolerance for what steps in or out of
03:03
that sort of environment in terms of
03:05
change so you know if you have a work
03:09
environment and all of a sudden yeah
03:11
there's a change to your job description
03:14
and it's a small change that doesn't
03:15
push you too far outside of your comfort
03:17
zone then you kind of adapt no big deal
03:18
if all of a sudden your company gets
03:20
taken over and everything changes from
03:22
the management to the pay structure to
03:24
you know the the job roles and
03:26
responsibilities then that pushes people
03:28
usually further outside of their comfort
03:30
zone and that's where resistance to
03:32
change tends to come in so how do you
03:35
become resilient to that well it's most
03:37
surprised that the people who are most
03:40
successful in adapting or being
03:42
resilient to change aren't those that
03:45
have the special techniques that allow
03:47
them to you know embrace or deal with
03:49
the stuff in the outer world in a more a
03:53
sort of a strategic or appropriate way
03:55
know managing change is not an outer
03:59
game on how to dance differently with
04:01
the circumstances managing change in the
04:04
keys to resilience around change
04:06
management is all about managing the
04:08
inner world you see the first thing to
04:11
understand is that everything in the
04:15
outer world everything in the physical
04:17
world is subject to the law of
04:19
impermanence
04:21
every single relationship that you or I
04:24
have will end let's put the stuff on the
04:28
table guys yeah whether you want to hear
04:30
it whether you don't let's face facts
04:32
every single relationship your
04:34
relationship with your body will one day
04:36
end your relationship with your your
04:38
soul mates will one day end in the
04:40
physical world either one or both of you
04:43
will die or you will choose separate
04:44
paths during the journey while you're
04:46
still alive but every relationship ends
04:48
your relationship with your current
04:50
employer will end one day now either you
04:52
will choose to leave they will invite
04:54
you to leave or the company itself will
04:56
transition in or out of business but
04:59
every relationship ends so understanding
05:02
that as a framework everything in the
05:05
physical world is subject to the law of
05:06
impermanence kind of at least sets us up
05:09
for understanding the game that we're
05:11
trying to play yeah so how do you deal
05:14
with that well I mean I remember the
05:17
story said to be King Solomon that went
05:21
to his yet his wise men and he says
05:25
listen can you please give me a phrase
05:27
that whenever I face uncertainty will
05:30
allow me to deal with that uncertainty
05:32
to help me with that uncertainty and
05:34
they went away and they deliberated and
05:36
they started to try to to pick or put
05:40
together this phrase and all of the wise
05:42
men and the sages at the time came back
05:44
and they actually handed him a ring and
05:46
the ring was inscribed with one sentence
05:50
and the sentence was this too shall pass
05:55
this too shall pass if you're having a
05:58
great time now guess what this too shall
06:00
pass you're having a tough time right
06:01
now
06:02
this too shall pass yeah the seasons of
06:05
life are the seasons of life now some
06:07
people in the winter of their lives and
06:09
therefore they either get cold or they
06:11
go skiing depending on how they handle
06:13
that other people are in springtime but
06:15
here's what I know spring always follows
06:18
winter you can't shortcut that it can't
06:21
be summer all the time it can't be fall
06:23
all the time yeah it can't be hard time
06:25
to harvest all the time sometimes you've
06:27
got to do the work and then suffer
06:29
through the cold and then wait for
06:30
spring again but change is an inevitable
06:32
part of life the cycles have change
06:35
the only constant has also been said if
06:39
you go to that the Bible yeah a book
06:41
that it has so much profound wisdom in
06:44
when you can strip away some of the that
06:46
the metaphors and go for the actual
06:48
understanding of the that the messages
06:51
contained you've got some Ecclesiastes
06:54
number three one of my favorite part of
06:56
the Bible when they talk about you know
06:59
there's there's a time for everything
07:01
there's a time to tear down there's a
07:03
time to build there's a time to weep and
07:05
there's a time to laugh time to love
07:08
time to hate time for peace time for war
07:10
yeah everything has its time and you
07:14
know I was handed that chapter from
07:18
Ecclesiastes at the time that my mother
07:21
passed away and that was my essentially
07:23
last living close relative you know I
07:25
don't have any brothers I have any
07:27
sisters or my grandparents had passed
07:29
away by the time I was six I have very
07:32
few aunts uncles or cousins that I see
07:34
on any kind of regular basis or close to
07:35
so my mom was was kind of my last living
07:38
relative and she passed away very
07:39
recently and very separately to my
07:41
father just 18 months after so I was
07:44
very alone at that point but it was a
07:46
wise uncle that I hadn't seen for awhile
07:49
came up to me he handed me at my
07:51
mother's funeral that verse from
07:53
Ecclesiastes and that's how it really
07:55
helped you know to understand that yeah
07:57
it's it's every parent's wish that their
07:59
children outlive them for example yeah
08:02
it's going to happen at some point you
08:04
know the only downside is we never get
08:06
to choose well and it's always too soon
08:08
but there's a time you know there's time
08:11
for everything so understanding that the
08:13
base level is that change will happen
08:15
whether you or I want it to or not is
08:17
the foundational point the other thing
08:20
that we need to look at here my friends
08:21
is that most of us are way too attached
08:25
to the comfort zone that we're in and if
08:28
you only understood or knew what a
08:30
comfort zone was to the human your
08:32
personality and potential you'll
08:33
probably only be too keen to jump out of
08:35
it because it's so inconsistent with the
08:38
limitless nature of what we're capable
08:39
of is so confining to us so why don't
08:42
step out of here or I don't take this
08:44
opportunity or oh my god I'm going to
08:45
withdraw from from something that now
08:47
doesn't fit
08:48
my pictures because it yeah I'm not
08:49
familiar with it you know being able to
08:52
seize the day being able to swing the
08:53
bat at life swing hit miss pitched
08:56
strikeout doesn't matter getting in the
08:58
game at that level is what really the
09:00
key to entrepreneurship is it's the
09:02
ability to handle uncertainty but know
09:04
that there is no certainty in life so
09:07
how do you deal with that change well
09:08
one of the things I'd invite you to do
09:10
is to actually write down a list of all
09:14
of the things that you feel that you're
09:16
most attached to and just analyze it
09:19
because that's usually where the weak
09:20
points are that's usually where we tend
09:22
to freak out if something threatens that
09:24
level of attachment it's a relationship
09:26
to a certain person is it the financial
09:28
circumstances or a certain type of home
09:30
that you live in that you don't want to
09:32
let go of now I'm not saying ignore it
09:34
I'm not saying bury head in the sand and
09:36
be an ostrich far from it I'm saying
09:38
identify if you want to learn how to
09:39
deal with change identify where are the
09:43
things that you're most attached to and
09:45
here's what I'm going to invite you to
09:47
do I'm going to invite you to listen to
09:51
the words of one of my great mentors
09:53
yeah a very famous person who has given
09:56
wisdom throughout the last couple of
09:59
decades to many millions of people
10:00
especially from my generation a person
10:03
who I personally never met but yeah is
10:06
kind of making a comeback on the scene
10:07
right now and that is master Yoda from
10:10
Star Wars and yeah whether George Lucas
10:13
was just a an inherent genius in some of
10:15
the words that he was putting through
10:16
the character of Yoda or not I don't
10:19
know I reserve judgment but one of the
10:22
phrases that Yoda gives in Star Wars is
10:24
yeah it's actually in my studio here on
10:26
my wallets in my meditation room and
10:27
it's very profound
10:29
if says train yourself to let go of
10:32
everything you fear to lose just sit
10:36
with that for a second because that
10:38
freaks a lot of people out but you know
10:41
follow me here train yourself to let go
10:44
of everything you fear to lose every
10:47
relationship in life ends my friends and
10:48
everything in the physical world is
10:50
subject to the law of impermanence we
10:51
can't circumvent that so train yourself
10:54
to let go of everything you fear to lose
10:57
and what that does in my mind is it sets
11:01
up the following
11:01
metaphor every attachment we have
11:03
everything on the list that you're
11:04
putting together is always like a wall
11:07
and the more we're attached to it the
11:09
more we're leaning on that wall now if
11:12
you're leaning on a wall and somebody
11:14
takes that wall away what tends to
11:16
happen you become unstable yeah it
11:18
throws you off balance at best and
11:20
usually can land you on your ass at
11:21
worst so you know making out what are
11:24
the walls that I'm leaning on because if
11:27
I'm so desperate to keep hold of this
11:29
job because I need it to pay my rent and
11:31
that's the wall I'm really leaning on if
11:32
that gets taken away which is 1,000%
11:35
probable then I'm gonna fall over and be
11:38
depressed and from that state of being
11:40
depressed it's very hard to go and then
11:42
stand on my own two feet and go get
11:43
another job so if I can start to
11:47
understand that my attachments are like
11:49
walls that I'm leaning on I can start to
11:51
place myself in a way that I'm standing
11:54
on my own two feet if I can start to
11:57
train myself to let go of what I fear to
11:59
lose so that more of me is grounded
12:01
solid centered present then if it does
12:04
fall away which there's no guarantees or
12:07
certainty that it ever won then I'm not
12:10
going to go with it now the magic in
12:12
this is not suddenly saying I don't care
12:14
far from it listening instead it's about
12:17
saying you know if I'm committed for
12:18
example to a relationship and I'm so
12:20
scared of this person leaving me well
12:22
for a start and this is another video
12:23
yeah that sets up codependence and
12:25
neediness which means you can't love
12:27
unconditionally that which you're
12:28
leaning against at all ever but let's
12:31
just say it's a relationship and I'm
12:33
leaning on that wall if that person
12:34
leaves me yes I feel lost I feel sadness
12:37
I feel grief I feel yeah a lack of
12:39
connection but if I was standing on my
12:41
own two feet in relationship to that
12:45
person so that I can celebrate being
12:47
with them like two separate instruments
12:50
that create a harmony like one plus one
12:52
equals eleven together but when one goes
12:54
I'm still one on my own not all of a
12:57
sudden is minus one now because I've
12:59
collapsed I was leaning on the wall then
13:01
yet from that place I can start to bring
13:04
more of me to the table to the job that
13:07
I'm in to the relationship that I'm in
13:09
you understand so by letting go of what
13:12
I fear to lose the energy that I'm
13:14
trying to grab
13:15
hold of it with is released to allow
13:17
more of me to show up which contributes
13:19
more to my workplace which allows me
13:22
probably less chance of being let go of
13:24
that job or that relationship so how do
13:29
you deal with change in life except that
13:31
it's there and it's our relationship to
13:34
it that is the fundamental driver and
13:35
the more we're leaning on the
13:36
attachments that we have the more likely
13:39
we're going to be falling down hard if
13:40
somebody takes that war away for
13:42
whatever reason so you know owning
13:46
yourself at that level and knowing that
13:47
no matter what happens no matter what
13:49
life throws at you no matter where ya
13:53
the river wines on its journey through
13:55
life that you will always be okay that
13:59
ya no matter whether you screw up or
14:01
whether you don't you'll still be loved
14:03
by the people that matter yeah if they
14:07
don't mind then you know the people that
14:10
mind won't matter and the people that
14:11
matter won't mind as I can't say it any
14:14
simpler than that so you know just
14:16
knowing that regardless of what happens
14:18
you'll be okay we live in a society
14:19
where it's impossible to starve to death
14:22
go back a hundred years and try that one
14:24
we were worried if we if we got a thorn
14:27
while we were gardening in case
14:29
septicemia set in and you know caused us
14:32
to be you know out of this game in three
14:33
weeks from now as one of the impetuses
14:36
behind the creation of penicillin here
14:39
so we live with so much more certainty
14:41
right now about things that are
14:42
important understand that focusing on
14:45
what we can be grateful for rather than
14:48
what we're afraid of
14:49
and those two thoughts can't live in the
14:51
same room will allow us the strength to
14:53
stand on our own two feet bring more of
14:55
who we are to the world and deal with
14:57
whatever life throws at us that is the
14:59
life you were born to live my friends