How to Deal With Change in Life

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hi this is Peter sage creator of the
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millionaire Business School as a mess
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selling author and on this video I want
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to address a real serious issue for many
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people and that is how to deal with
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change in life now the question is yeah
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is there change in life and we all know
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the answer to that there is change but
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not only just in life but in every
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single level of life change is
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everywhere
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and in a modern society where things are
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exponentially growing faster from our
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understanding of life and physics and
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science and and the things that come out
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of that to really the way society is
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exponentially growing and digging with
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this own issues and problems and try to
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adapt to find its level then change has
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never been more pertinent at any time in
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human history than it is right now and
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what I notice is that there's so many
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people have a tough time with that yeah
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it's really very catabolic it really
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pushes people back into their shell oh
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can throw them off balance if they don't
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have a way of being able to deal with
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change in their life it can literally
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paralyze people through fear and it's
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such a shame because change can really
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be your best friend and understanding
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change and the inevitability of that is
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really the difference between using it
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to empower you or allowing yourself to
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be disempowered so you know let's just
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take a look at that and it's not just
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about change in life this is change at
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work changing your relationships change
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in anything and the reason I want to
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cover it all is because how you do
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something is usually indicative of how
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you do everything
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so how you handle change at work will
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really be the foundational pattern of
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how you handle change in relationships
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how you handle change in plans when they
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change unexpectedly so you know let's
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just look at an overarching
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understanding of that and see if there's
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something we can pick out together here
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that'll hopefully I'll allow you to deal
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with change in a more powerful and
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positive way
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let's just look at as I say the word so
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yeah change itself we have a lot of
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different associations to if you like
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surprises for example yeah Tony Robin
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states this he says you know people like
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surprises right you like surprises well
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you know the reality is is that you like
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the surprises that you want the
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surprises that we don't want we tend to
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call problems and so you know it's
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dealing with the surprises that we don't
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want that really is our relationship or
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governs our relationship to change so
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you know if you can understand that so
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many people are paralyzed through the
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thought of stepping out of their comfort
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zone and the term comfort zone is widely
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used and really it's about where you
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have a tolerance or a limit of your
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tolerance for what steps in or out of
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that sort of environment in terms of
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change so you know if you have a work
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environment and all of a sudden yeah
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there's a change to your job description
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and it's a small change that doesn't
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push you too far outside of your comfort
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zone then you kind of adapt no big deal
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if all of a sudden your company gets
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taken over and everything changes from
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the management to the pay structure to
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you know the the job roles and
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responsibilities then that pushes people
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usually further outside of their comfort
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zone and that's where resistance to
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change tends to come in so how do you
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become resilient to that well it's most
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surprised that the people who are most
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successful in adapting or being
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resilient to change aren't those that
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have the special techniques that allow
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them to you know embrace or deal with
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the stuff in the outer world in a more a
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sort of a strategic or appropriate way
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know managing change is not an outer
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game on how to dance differently with
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the circumstances managing change in the
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keys to resilience around change
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management is all about managing the
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inner world you see the first thing to
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understand is that everything in the
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outer world everything in the physical
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world is subject to the law of
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impermanence
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every single relationship that you or I
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have will end let's put the stuff on the
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table guys yeah whether you want to hear
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it whether you don't let's face facts
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every single relationship your
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relationship with your body will one day
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end your relationship with your your
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soul mates will one day end in the
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physical world either one or both of you
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will die or you will choose separate
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paths during the journey while you're
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still alive but every relationship ends
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your relationship with your current
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employer will end one day now either you
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will choose to leave they will invite
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you to leave or the company itself will
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transition in or out of business but
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every relationship ends so understanding
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that as a framework everything in the
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physical world is subject to the law of
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impermanence kind of at least sets us up
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for understanding the game that we're
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trying to play yeah so how do you deal
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with that well I mean I remember the
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story said to be King Solomon that went
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to his yet his wise men and he says
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listen can you please give me a phrase
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that whenever I face uncertainty will
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allow me to deal with that uncertainty
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to help me with that uncertainty and
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they went away and they deliberated and
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they started to try to to pick or put
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together this phrase and all of the wise
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men and the sages at the time came back
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and they actually handed him a ring and
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the ring was inscribed with one sentence
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and the sentence was this too shall pass
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this too shall pass if you're having a
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great time now guess what this too shall
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pass you're having a tough time right
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now
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this too shall pass yeah the seasons of
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life are the seasons of life now some
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people in the winter of their lives and
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therefore they either get cold or they
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go skiing depending on how they handle
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that other people are in springtime but
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here's what I know spring always follows
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winter you can't shortcut that it can't
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be summer all the time it can't be fall
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all the time yeah it can't be hard time
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to harvest all the time sometimes you've
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got to do the work and then suffer
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through the cold and then wait for
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spring again but change is an inevitable
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part of life the cycles have change
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the only constant has also been said if
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you go to that the Bible yeah a book
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that it has so much profound wisdom in
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when you can strip away some of the that
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the metaphors and go for the actual
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understanding of the that the messages
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contained you've got some Ecclesiastes
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number three one of my favorite part of
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the Bible when they talk about you know
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there's there's a time for everything
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there's a time to tear down there's a
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time to build there's a time to weep and
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there's a time to laugh time to love
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time to hate time for peace time for war
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yeah everything has its time and you
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know I was handed that chapter from
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Ecclesiastes at the time that my mother
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passed away and that was my essentially
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last living close relative you know I
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don't have any brothers I have any
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sisters or my grandparents had passed
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away by the time I was six I have very
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few aunts uncles or cousins that I see
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on any kind of regular basis or close to
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so my mom was was kind of my last living
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relative and she passed away very
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recently and very separately to my
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father just 18 months after so I was
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very alone at that point but it was a
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wise uncle that I hadn't seen for awhile
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came up to me he handed me at my
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mother's funeral that verse from
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Ecclesiastes and that's how it really
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helped you know to understand that yeah
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it's it's every parent's wish that their
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children outlive them for example yeah
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it's going to happen at some point you
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know the only downside is we never get
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to choose well and it's always too soon
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but there's a time you know there's time
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for everything so understanding that the
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base level is that change will happen
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whether you or I want it to or not is
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the foundational point the other thing
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that we need to look at here my friends
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is that most of us are way too attached
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to the comfort zone that we're in and if
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you only understood or knew what a
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comfort zone was to the human your
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personality and potential you'll
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probably only be too keen to jump out of
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it because it's so inconsistent with the
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limitless nature of what we're capable
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of is so confining to us so why don't
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step out of here or I don't take this
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opportunity or oh my god I'm going to
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withdraw from from something that now
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doesn't fit
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my pictures because it yeah I'm not
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familiar with it you know being able to
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seize the day being able to swing the
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bat at life swing hit miss pitched
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strikeout doesn't matter getting in the
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game at that level is what really the
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key to entrepreneurship is it's the
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ability to handle uncertainty but know
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that there is no certainty in life so
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how do you deal with that change well
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one of the things I'd invite you to do
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is to actually write down a list of all
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of the things that you feel that you're
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most attached to and just analyze it
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because that's usually where the weak
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points are that's usually where we tend
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to freak out if something threatens that
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level of attachment it's a relationship
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to a certain person is it the financial
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circumstances or a certain type of home
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that you live in that you don't want to
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let go of now I'm not saying ignore it
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I'm not saying bury head in the sand and
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be an ostrich far from it I'm saying
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identify if you want to learn how to
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deal with change identify where are the
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things that you're most attached to and
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here's what I'm going to invite you to
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do I'm going to invite you to listen to
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the words of one of my great mentors
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yeah a very famous person who has given
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wisdom throughout the last couple of
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decades to many millions of people
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especially from my generation a person
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who I personally never met but yeah is
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kind of making a comeback on the scene
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right now and that is master Yoda from
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Star Wars and yeah whether George Lucas
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was just a an inherent genius in some of
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the words that he was putting through
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the character of Yoda or not I don't
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know I reserve judgment but one of the
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phrases that Yoda gives in Star Wars is
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yeah it's actually in my studio here on
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my wallets in my meditation room and
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it's very profound
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if says train yourself to let go of
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everything you fear to lose just sit
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with that for a second because that
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freaks a lot of people out but you know
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follow me here train yourself to let go
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of everything you fear to lose every
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relationship in life ends my friends and
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everything in the physical world is
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subject to the law of impermanence we
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can't circumvent that so train yourself
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to let go of everything you fear to lose
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and what that does in my mind is it sets
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up the following
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metaphor every attachment we have
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everything on the list that you're
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putting together is always like a wall
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and the more we're attached to it the
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more we're leaning on that wall now if
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you're leaning on a wall and somebody
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takes that wall away what tends to
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happen you become unstable yeah it
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throws you off balance at best and
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usually can land you on your ass at
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worst so you know making out what are
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the walls that I'm leaning on because if
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I'm so desperate to keep hold of this
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job because I need it to pay my rent and
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that's the wall I'm really leaning on if
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that gets taken away which is 1,000%
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probable then I'm gonna fall over and be
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depressed and from that state of being
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depressed it's very hard to go and then
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stand on my own two feet and go get
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another job so if I can start to
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understand that my attachments are like
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walls that I'm leaning on I can start to
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place myself in a way that I'm standing
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on my own two feet if I can start to
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train myself to let go of what I fear to
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lose so that more of me is grounded
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solid centered present then if it does
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fall away which there's no guarantees or
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certainty that it ever won then I'm not
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going to go with it now the magic in
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this is not suddenly saying I don't care
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far from it listening instead it's about
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saying you know if I'm committed for
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example to a relationship and I'm so
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scared of this person leaving me well
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for a start and this is another video
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yeah that sets up codependence and
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neediness which means you can't love
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unconditionally that which you're
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leaning against at all ever but let's
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just say it's a relationship and I'm
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leaning on that wall if that person
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leaves me yes I feel lost I feel sadness
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I feel grief I feel yeah a lack of
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connection but if I was standing on my
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own two feet in relationship to that
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person so that I can celebrate being
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with them like two separate instruments
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that create a harmony like one plus one
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equals eleven together but when one goes
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I'm still one on my own not all of a
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sudden is minus one now because I've
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collapsed I was leaning on the wall then
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yet from that place I can start to bring
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more of me to the table to the job that
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I'm in to the relationship that I'm in
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you understand so by letting go of what
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I fear to lose the energy that I'm
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trying to grab
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hold of it with is released to allow
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more of me to show up which contributes
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more to my workplace which allows me
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probably less chance of being let go of
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that job or that relationship so how do
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you deal with change in life except that
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it's there and it's our relationship to
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it that is the fundamental driver and
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the more we're leaning on the
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attachments that we have the more likely
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we're going to be falling down hard if
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somebody takes that war away for
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whatever reason so you know owning
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yourself at that level and knowing that
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no matter what happens no matter what
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life throws at you no matter where ya
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the river wines on its journey through
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life that you will always be okay that
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ya no matter whether you screw up or
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whether you don't you'll still be loved
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by the people that matter yeah if they
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don't mind then you know the people that
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mind won't matter and the people that
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matter won't mind as I can't say it any
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simpler than that so you know just
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knowing that regardless of what happens
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you'll be okay we live in a society
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where it's impossible to starve to death
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go back a hundred years and try that one
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we were worried if we if we got a thorn
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while we were gardening in case
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septicemia set in and you know caused us
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to be you know out of this game in three
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weeks from now as one of the impetuses
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behind the creation of penicillin here
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so we live with so much more certainty
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right now about things that are
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important understand that focusing on
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what we can be grateful for rather than
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what we're afraid of
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and those two thoughts can't live in the
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same room will allow us the strength to
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stand on our own two feet bring more of
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who we are to the world and deal with
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whatever life throws at us that is the
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life you were born to live my friends