Daily Dialogue (Short)

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okay so the daily dialogue is a
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slightly more complicated dialogue but
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it's really designed to replace that
00:17
that conversation that couples often
00:20
have you know often at the end of the
00:22
day hey han how was your day and i was
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fine how was your day fine which doesn't
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really give a lot of information about
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what's going on and
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and what it means is you end up over
00:31
time just assuming you know
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you know what's going on in your
00:34
partner's world and so if that happens
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the busier you get the more likely you
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are to disconnect and also you stop
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experiencing each other as a
00:44
as a stress
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reducing resource and so all of us have
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a need to feel heard to feel understood
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and the daily dialogue is a really
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effective
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way to
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create your partner as that resource
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and so for this um this dialogue we're
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going to start off and um
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and manu is going to say
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hey look i'd like to have a daily
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dialogue it's now a good time
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hey look i would like to have a daily
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dialogue it's now a good time yes it is
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and um and again it's a fairly simple uh
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dialogue uh from the uh
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listeners point of view because all
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they're going to do is ask a few
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questions and so the first question
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she's going to ask is so what's it like
01:25
being in your world
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so what it's like to be in your world
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and what's what's going to happen is
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luke is going to talk for about two to
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three minutes about what it's like in
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his world he's going to talk about how
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he's feeling what's going on at work how
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he feels in the relationship anything
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relevant that that's really happening in
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in his world now we're not going for
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boring work stories and i woke up in the
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morning at eight o'clock and then i got
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up and then i went to the loo and then i
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had a shower we're not doing that stuff
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we're talking about the emotional world
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now if you're not someone who tends to
01:54
talk a lot talk for the full two to
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three minutes if you are someone who
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tends to talk a lot
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shorten it down and talk for the two to
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three minutes so right now
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thank you for asking first of all it's
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really nice for you to ask that uh it's
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a little overwhelming so just balancing
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school work parenting our move our move
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has been really stressful
02:15
dealing with the laundry machine and
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getting for two weeks now trying to get
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the right one
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waiting on all that stuff that was
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stressful
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um
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but it is nice for us to be sleeping in
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a new place that we both love and we've
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both chosen together so that's really
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exciting
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you know that work has been stressful
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i've told you before but it's also
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exciting because
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everything's getting more creative with
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the new projects and writing more and
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having a little more time and space to
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do that
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our relationship really excited all
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about
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all the activities that we're doing
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together dancing going for walks
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meditating at night yoga you know those
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are all the things that are important to
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me so it's really nice that we're doing
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those together
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i think that's about it thank you for
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listening
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and so um so manu is then going to shift
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on to the next question so how are you
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coping with all of that
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and the thing that luke is not going to
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answer is great bad you know we're not
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looking for a judgment we're really just
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trying to find out so what are you doing
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to cope with this i know that i lean on
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all the things that are important to me
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so
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exercise and all that but it still does
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get challenging so it's not always easy
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and i do get easily triggered sometimes
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when jack is around and i'm a little
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overwhelmed or if you and i are tense
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then i may snap a little bit when i
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don't want to so
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while i'm trying my hardest to go up it
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does get a little overwhelming at times
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okay so luke's moved a little a little
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bit into the judgment of what he's doing
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and not so much talking about so he said
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that he's doing exercise but he hasn't
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really told her like what he does when
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you know jack's um his son starts
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annoying him so you know we want to know
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like is he drinking half a bottle of
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whiskey or you know kicking the dog what
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what's the strategy that he's using to
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um to cope in that and so
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when i'm coping and i'm not coping the
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way i want to it's angry i get angry i
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get quick tempered i use i just
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say quick
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mean things rather than actually
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listening and being sort of figuring out
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the situation calmly and attentively the
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way i try to most times
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and so
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and so manus uh is going to listen and
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and the goal here is to create a space
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that luke can just talk about the things
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that he's doing that are working as well
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as the things that he's doing that are
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not working and that manu is going to
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listen without judgment or saying oh you
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know you should be doing this or you
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know maybe you should meditate more or
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or whatever um and then the the last
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question she's going to ask in this case
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will be um so what could i i
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do that might help
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that will help you
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it'd be really nice if we went for a
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walk on the beach tonight
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and so that was a really a good example
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of um that luke gave a very tangible
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specific example so
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what we wouldn't want to see is
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something like uh i'd you know be great
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if you could be more patient or it would
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be great if you could be more supportive
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because that you know you can't do
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anything with that you don't know what
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that looks like but a walk on the beach
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you know manu now has an opportunity and
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a way to be successful
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with luke again and so that's the bit
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that we're aiming for
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and so uh
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manu is going to say thank you for
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sharing thank you for sharing thank you
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for listening
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[Music]
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you